Fear and Faith

If faith is the assurance of things hoped for, and the conviction of things not seen, what is fear? I read somewhere that fear is the mind killer, and I would even take it one step further and say that fear is a life taker. To live in fear, is to ignore God's blessings, big and small.

To me, when I am afraid, it means I am not living in my faith. Since I am aware that fear is a natural human response, like joy and sadness, I have to give it some room in my life. But for alcoholics, living in fear for too long is a dangerous and unhealthy place. When I am in fear, it colors my perceptions and causes me to loose sight of what is real.

I drank because of fear; thousands of nameless fears, and hundreds of named ones. Fear of people was a huge one for me. Most of us suffer from such low self-esteem before we get sober, that we are sure that everyone is judging us and would never like us. King Alcohol gave us a reprieve from fear. Only, sadly, it became so that every morning after became a pounding song of self-loathing and regret, colored with shame.

Fear. It is a deadly plague that spreads into my soul, and makes my sobriety look a lot less appealing. It taints my judgment and perceptions, making beauty and peace difficult to see.

Peace only comes to me when I allow God to carry my fear for me. He does, happily, and I feel His presence as if he patted me on the back like a small child, and sent me off to enjoy the wonder and beauty of the world around me.

Faith. I choose faith today, in order to stay with God, where I know I can get through anything that life can throw at me, with some peace, serenity, dignity, and sobriety.