A good way to look at what we do to our loved ones as alcoholics is the tornado. It comes crashing through people's lives, without consciousness of the destruction and heartbreak it causes in people's lives. Shattered hopes and dreams fall all around, children are lost, and families torn asunder. Yet the tornado goes wildly on it's way, never seeing or knowing the devastation left in it's wake.
I was that tornado for too many years. I always thought that I was the injured party, the damaged one. And while to some extent, that may have been true, it was also true that I was inflicting pain and suffering on the people I held most dear to me. All I wanted was their love and understanding, but all I gave was turmoil and pain. I thought I was the only one hurt by my actions, and selfishly looked to the people I harmed for rescue.
A tornado has a beginning, a middle, and an end, just like our lives. It can either die out all together, or become a peaceful prairie breeze, spreading hope for the future with seed carried in it's gentle breath.
Today I work to be that seed. Part of my recovery is to share what I have been so freely given: peace for today, hope for the future, and relief from the past.
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I can so relate to the tornado analogy. I was the tidal wave. Rolling over anyone and anything in my life that did not entertain or support my delusional thinking about the world and myself. In my life without alcohol I have been tossed around because that is what life does. The sharp edges have been made smooth like beach glass and that is a gift from God. I practice acceptance and fail pick myself up, give it to God and go on to practice some more. Thank you for this space for sharing recovery. Love you, Roberta Joy
ReplyDeleteJust like a tornado, drug addiction is a harsh ride, and so is faith. A good faith base has to allow for a roller coaster ride of ups and downs.
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